12.29.2005

More expensive gifts to strangers expected

I notice that most of the posts asking for something ridiculously expensive start out with the phrase: "I know this is a long shot, but..."

Here's the latest batch:

Wanted: Bose Radio/CD Player

Well, I know its a longshot but you never know...

I am seeking a Bose Radio/CD player in good working condition. I have wanted one for a long time. Perhaps you have one that you do not use or have replaced with something else? I am happy to take it off your hands :)

A normal CD player won't do... it has to be top-of-the-line.

and free.

Isn't that sort of like me going "Hi I am looking for a harem. I've been wanting one for a long time, but those darn polygamy taboos keep getting in the way. Oh yeah, and I can't possibly afford one on my own. I mean, I've got the one wife, and I suppose I could go hire a prostitute or something, but how can those possibly compare to the ultimate status symbol of my very own harem. (just kidding Honey!) So, if you've got one just lying around, maybe you've gone impotent or something, I sure could use it!"

WANTED: A Car PLEASE

Well, she didn't say it has to be working, or even life-size...

And apparently begging for a computer worked so well for crazybioch that she's now trying to get another one... and more!

WANTED: A FEW THINGS PLEASE SEE LIST

i need a computer my kids got one from a verry kind freecycler but i
could use one of my own a wireless router ,and if any one has any
digital cameras or realated itams i would love to have them .also i am
in desprate need of womans clothes size 18 pants and size xl or xxl
shirts also my daughter needs winter clothes she is a size 8 or 9 thank
you so much any and all help i would be greatfull for thanks
again ...kim

Let's straighten one thing out. Your daughter needs winter clothes. You need clothes. A person wandering in the desert for eight days needs a roasted cocktail weenie smothered in barbeque sauce. You do not need a computer.

Sheesh.

Wherein you learn that fossils are really just scaffolding that God forgot to remove when He was done building the world

OFFER: homeschool Christian books

"SCIENCE" for Christian Schools Book 4 - 1976

I think the quotation marks say it all.

Guess she plans on never getting sick again

Wanted: Sales Assistance

Hi Everyone:

I have two healing devices that need a new home. They use sacred geometry and magnets to bring health/wellness/wholeness. One is a work of art to hang in the home like a chi generator, the other a set of etheric weavers that work when you hold them. They are valuable and I wish to sell them but do not have the time/focus to do so. I am looking for someone to act as sales agent, perhaps on E Bay, or to take them around to places (healing centers, Karuna, etc.) where people might be interested in them (I do not have a car). If you wish, I can even offer a percentage of the sales as a way to say thank you!

Linda


Holy hexagon, Batman! They use sacred geometry!

Well, for one thing, you're not supposed to ask for services. More importantly, you're not supposed to offer anything in exchange for what you receive. That's why it's Freecycle, not domeafavorandI'llgiveyoualittlesomethingcycle.

Finally, if she doesn't have the focus to try and sell these things on her own, I'm not so sure the best idea wouldn't be to hold on to them; she might have some further healing to do. Or some drugs to lay off of.

12.21.2005

I think he already got a virus that deactivated his capslock

HELLO I NEED A NORTON 2004 OR 2005 SYSTEMWORKS; MY 2003 WONT UPGRADE ANY MORE, PLEASE I NEED TO PROTECT MY PC , I HAVE ENOUGH PROBL. WITH IT WITH OUT GETTING CAUGHT WITH ANY VIRUSES OR WORMS TY . IM NOT INFECTED , DONT WANT TO BE TY VINCE

I don't think that a Norton Systemworks upgrade is going to help Ty Vince with his identity crisis.

...and I knew right then it was love.

You offered me chicken waterers

I bet there were some old ladies trampled in the mad rush to claim this one:

Offered//AOL 9.0 disc still in wrapper

Let me pull out my latest Junk Mail Monthly price guide and check on the going rate of a factory-sealed 9.0 in mint condition..


Survey Says:

Holidiculous

Happy holidays to everyone!

Sometimes there are some very specialized items offered on Freecycle

OFFER: Christmas Stocking for "Max"
Offered is a nice Land's End needlepoint Christmas stocking with the
name "Max" embroidered on top.

and 12 hours later...

TAKEN: Christmas Stocking for "Max"

I guess with several hundred group members, there's bound to be someone named Max.

---

My toddler was just gifted a few expensive but obnoxious battery
operated toys based on tv characters that I have hidden in the attic
until I can find a better home for them. Anyone know of a local toy
drive going on right now?

First of all, minus 8 for blatant verbing of a word that is clearly not a verb. Second of all, I don't think toy drives usually go for used gifts.

Third, does she think that poor people are going to be any less annoyed by these toys than she is?!?!? (I can't stand this toy. I know, I'll pawn it off on the poor!) Just because they are poor doesn't mean that they'll take anything...

They won't, for example, take muffin stems.

12.16.2005

crazybioch is back...

One week later, we have a re-request for a computer:

still looking for a computer for my kids

it dosent have to have a operating system i have a windows 98 cd any help would be so helpful
thank you so much kim

Oh good. She has a Windows 98 CD. Does she know how to install it? Or maybe she's just planning to run Windows off the CD. Those must be some killer games her kids are getting for Christmas.

And the obligatory unnecessary redundant superfluousnessnousness:

any help would be so helpful

Odd request of the day

WANTED: lrg. animal exercise ball for hedgehog




Dinsdale?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

OFFER: Electric Eraser

An old K+E electric eraser (110v, so not a toy). Large, bulky, awesome.

Looks like a toy to me:














Not a toy you'd give to your kids though. More like a toy you'd hide from your kids.

12.14.2005

Seriously serious this time

Freecycle users be careful. There are some bastardly people out there:

im offering a great big THANK YOU to "jim" who came to pick up a free
halloween costume that i was offering, when here, he stated that he
fixes computers on the side, and that he could update my kids computer
for me, (it was a xmas present for them) and that he doesn't charge
very much to do it,,,apparently NOT...because he took there computer,
and has not been in touch with me since,,i have posted looking for him
in here, and have had no response,,he told me that he has my phone
number and email, which he should have had, i had contacted him both
ways prior to him picking up his "FREE" item.
SO...THank YOU jim, kids are loving there christmas present..instead
of having a nice updated computer, they have NONE.....

hope you have a great holiday

TAMMY

Now that's what I call ridiculous.

It'd be worth it though...

My wife would kill me if I brought this home:

REOFFER: Good Year Blimp

Now, if only I had a helium well...

12.13.2005

Now seriously...

I don't understand how people expect to just be given for free what normally costs hundreds of dollars.

Wanted snowmobile or a fourwheeler
WANTED : MITER SAW WITH EXTENDABLE/ ADJUSTABLE ARM
Need Two Dressers*
WANTED: A CARPENTER

The entirety of this last one:

NEED A CARPENTER FOR SOME PROJECTS. ANYONE INTERESTED"? I AM IN
XXXXXXXX.

I seriously doubt Jesus is a Freecycle member. "Some projects"? Sure! I'll take what I do for a living and do it for free! I don't even know what it is I'm being asked to do or how long it will take! I'll even let you raise my kids for a while!

Also, while I've been on the internet long enough to become desensitized to the use of all caps, I don't think I'll ever get used to people who decide that punctuation. I'sn't im, por-t!ant?

hi i am looking for a snowmobile or a fourwheeler if any one has one
please let me know thanks rich

So he's looking for a snowmobile or a four-wheeler, but only if anyone has them? Or is he desiring the knowledge of rich thanks should anyone have a snowmobile or four-wheeler? Do people realize how terrible this sort of communication is?

Anyway, I may have to stop posting these extravagant requests, because they seem to occur at least once per day.

*I know dressers are often given away, but if you desperately need something, then you probably shouldn't also require that it be good looking. Or, you buck up and pay for it. Beggar, please meet Chooser. I'm afraid we only have room for one of you, so I'm going to have to ask you to fight to the death.

12.11.2005

wanted: more generous welfare system

I wanted to break this doozy of a post up into parts, but I think the stupefecation effect is greater if you read it all at once. Thus I have done the footnote thing.

Wanted: calculator, digital clock with seconds display. and few other things.[1]
My kids are all homeschooling. But it is very costly. Originally
they were bought for public school.[2] but the school was shut down and
I refuse to let my kids go to a school where kids like to bring guns
and get away with it.[3] I could use help [4] with the following items:
calculator (for checking their work)[5]
clock that displays the seconds (digital im bad with hands)[6]
printing paper
any school supplies (we go through a lot)
any curriculums grade pre-k to 8th grade
folders (the 10/dollar ones we got worn out bad)
learing games for computer or playstation 2 [7]
school work books (any subject any grade)
any other school items you can think of (we probably need)
also thing we are in need of:[8]
bunk beds maybe 2 is all we got room for
a couch
book shelf
small entertainment center (to make more room)
dishes (don' got a whole lot)
clothes for boys ages 13,11,6,4, and an 8 month old
clothes for girls age 12 and 3
womens clothes 2x and 3x [9]
mens clother 2x and 3x [9]
toys for age 6m-1yr
van that seats at least 9
and im probably forgeting a lot. I started over a couple yrs ago.
dont really want to go in detail about it, but me and my fiance have
had a real struggle trying to get things half way normal. [10]

*VERY IMPORTANT NOTE* I have no transportation. So If you have any

of these items you don't need and can get them to me. [11] please email
me and i will give you my address and phone number. I do have
lifters [12], so either they can bring the stuff in or you can pick them
up and they would be glad to do all the lifting.[13]

Gee, where to begin?

[1] Oh, just a few other things. Like a conversion van. Nice use of listing the cheap, unimportant things first. S/he could make a career in politics.

[2] My taxpayer money is being used to send poultry supplies to school?!?

[3] S/he'd be okay with letting them go to school where kids were disappointed when they got away with bringing guns.

[4] I could use help This is the most useful request in the whole post.

[5] Generally, if you're trying to teach kids something (ie math), you should already know how to do it yourself!!!

[6] Sundial OK as long as it's digital

[7] learing games - games used to teach kids how to slowly go insane while your most loving daughter marries the king of France. Now available on PS2. (of course they have a PS2. No calculator, no folders, no paper, but a PS2)

[8] How about a voice of reason?

[9] Why am I not surprised? Seriously, why am I not surprised?

[10] No $h!t...

[11] Ooh, a bonus! Not only does s/he want free stuff, s/he wants it delivered!

[12] child labor

[13] oh, yes. They'd be sooooo glad, I'm sure.

Despite my sarcastic tone, I feel quite sorry for this person and would probably be moved to help out with some of the basic things is s/he resided in my area. It's obvious that s/he cares about the children a lot and is having trouble making ends meet. However, a reality check seems to be in order -- someone who has trouble with the task of reading an analog clock and needs a calculator to check math that elementary-aged kids are supposed to be doing by hand is probably not going to make the best teacher. Also, I sense a strong laziness factor involved.

(Thanks to Trillian for the post)

12.10.2005

Thanks, but I've already got two...

offered: breast milk storage bags

Aren't those otherwise known as, well... gazongas?




"the kind you can pump right into"

Oh, yeah!

12.09.2005

Everyone loves a smartass

If there's something I can't stand more than smartasses, it's cheerful smartasses:

OFFERED: Free White Snow in Florence

Brand new, white, fluffy, soft snow. Come take all you need before it
melts. Ideal for covering lawns, driveways, cars and houses.
Sorry,available to Florence residents only. Keep smiling, enjoy and
have a wonderful day! Stan

Tell me Stan, what are you going to do if I just decide to pop on over to Florence and take some of your snow? Maybe I'll bring over a tureen of gravy and make a snow volcano with the gravy flowing out of the middle. Where's your precious fluffy white snow now, Stan?

Then maybe I'll throw some cranberry sauce in there too! Then where's your fluffy white stuff?

And then I'll mix up this giant batch of whipped cream and come spread it all over your yard! Yeah, yeah, with a giant rubber scraper. Then where is your fluffy, uh... fluffy white... ummmmm, yeah.

I'll just bask in 10" I got right here.

Odd requests

There's been a couple of odd requests on my Freecycle board recently:

WANTED: something flashy (tights?) like a superhero would wear


looking for something colorful and warm (tights? cape? snug sweater?) to complement my superhero outfit. I have to be able to bicycle and do dirty work in it. (gulf coast cleanup).


I think it's great that she wants to go help and everything, but I think she'd better leave this sort of thing to the professionals:


And now for something I never expected to be asked for:

WANTED: POULTRY SUPPLIES

I've just gotten my first chickens and have only the most basic
equipment for them. Who knew that stuff was so expensive! Anything you
don't need anymore I can probably use. Thanks.

Chris

Luckily for Chris, I just happen to have some spare, uh... whatever those thingys are that chickens need. Actually, I thought you only needed a coop, some straw, and maybe a kid to go out and gather eggs. Aha! I've figured it out! Freecycle rules prevent the giving away of people as dates, slaves, or otherwise. Chris wants some kid to help out around the farm, and she's found a loophole in the system!

When I have kids, I'll make sure to refer to them as my "poultry supplies", and my wife shall henceforth be known as my "milking machine"

12.07.2005

Computer

Yeah, people request computers from time to time. Usually they are looking for an old model that is, in effect, a glorified typewriter. Maybe all they need is a modem and IE. These posts can often be classified by what the person doesn't need. This woman, however, knows exactly what she needs:

hello my name is kim my old computer no longer works and i baught my
children pc game for christmas and im stuck if you or anyone you may
know has a computer they no longer use please give me a call my phone
number is xxx xxx xxxx thank you

That's right, she needs "a computer."

If I was her kid, and I knew that my Christmas present would run on a computer that someone was able to get for free, I would hope and pray it was a hamster. If I were a person with an old computer contemplating letting this lady have it, I would think again. If she can't handle punctuation, how do you think she is going to handle setting up the computer and installing the game? That's right, she is going to call me. And I'm not all that keen on spending a lot of time helping someone whose email address contains the phrase crazybioch with her computer. All the enjoyment of a tech support job without any of that confounding pay.

Mission statement

I am somewhat of a pack rat. Just ask my wife. Of course, she would replace the phrase somewhat of a with the more accurate a hopeless. For me, Freecycle is a wonderful organization: not only can I get things I need for free, but I can keep an eye on stuff that other people need, and I can get rid of that junk that I keep because I "might need it someday" knowing full well that it is being put to good use.

I also like freecycle because it lets me know that there are those that are much worse than I. I've seen items offered that are so mundane that it would cost more (in gas money) to actually go and pick them up than to buy a new one from the 7-11 across the street. I've also seen bizarre requests fulfilled within hours.

WHAT THIS BLOG IS

Here is where I plan to chronicle the weird, obscure, mundane and otherwise interesting posts found in my local freecycle groups. Please feel free to share your own.

WHAT THIS BLOG IS NOT

I do not intend for any aspect of the freecycle business to spill over onto this blog. Please do not bother me with requests for information regarding articles mentioned in a post. They are probably already taken care of in some way or another. Besides, Freecycle is meant to be a local effort. Join your own Freecycle group if you are so inclined.