Unfortunate line break

Sometimes you find some unintended humor as a result of unfortunate formatting:

Hi, My daughter had an accident and now we need body parts to fix her


Sometimes things just work out...

A landlord recently posted items left behind by a tenant. And by items I mean pretty much an entire furnished apartment. Hidden in there was this offer:

Helium tank. Empty or full, I don't know.

Interesting. I can think of several uses for that much helium: an Alvin and the Chipmunks revival concert; inflating our aerobed so that it stores itself on the ceiling when not in use; using it to power a "poor man's jacuzzi"

(bathtub + water + soap + compressed helium + hallucinogenics =)

But that helium would sure go great with these:

OFFER 1000+ Mylar and Latex Balloons

Sounds like they had a great Valentine's day...

Wanted: Bed

We are desperately in need of a new bed as ours has broken and taken on
a not-so-comfortable U shape. Prefer queen sized, but not picky at
this point.